Hope… that’s what I realized I missed the most. When Brian decided it was time to retire from MLB my first emotion was relief. After 15 years of so much moving and uncertainty, we could finally live what I thought a “normal” life looked like. We would never have to be apart again or leave our family and friends every year.
But my feelings of relief quickly turned to emptiness. And I couldn’t understand why?? I was surrounded by everything I always thought the craziness of baseball kept from us. And yet I just wanted to go back to the way things were. And to make it worse Brian was doing great! He had so much peace with his decision and was loving being home. At one point I remember him telling me that it’s typically the athlete that struggles with retirement not their spouse.
It took me time to see that what I was missing was the HOPE that came from my complete dependence in Christ through our journey. Through Brian’s career we never had job security. We never knew what tomorrow would look like. And I grew to love that. I learned to put ALL my trust into God’s hands knowing His plan was better than ours. It wasn’t always easy or perfect, BUT if He ever took something away from us. He always replaced it with something better.
I learned to plan one day at a time. To enjoy each moment because it may not last long. And then I found myself in a place where all the comforts of home and security stripped me from relying solely on my Savior. I was surrounded by all things safe and “home” and yet I felt alone. I spent the next few years begging Him to teach me to learn how to NEED Him in that same way. I learned that comfort so quickly removes our dependence of Him. I’m still not sure I have the all the answers to overcoming comfort. But what I do know is that what we are walking through now (a pandemic) gives us all a gift. Weird to say that I know! But if there was ever a time to hand over our trust and put all our HOPE in Him … it’s now! Being uncomfortable is a gift! A gift that leads us to Him.